Tuesday, April 8, 2014

Day LXV: Goddess

They say prayer is good for the soul. 

Pray to Vishnu, to gods, to Martel, to Wakan Tanka, to Krishna, to God, to Gitche Manitou, to Confucius, to whoever will listen. Just pray, be absolved, be forgiven, be cleansed.

And that has always seemed like a nice concept.

When I was around twelve years old, I spent a lot of time in the church. I say "in the church" because that's the colloquialism we always hear for Christianity. As part of one of the most extreme sects of Christianity, the Evangelical Free sort, I was used to spending a lot of time figuring out what God's plan was for me, how I functioned in the world, and what I could do to spread the ministry of Christ out into the wide, wide world.

And then I was told gays didn't belong to God.

Which is a story for another time, I suppose.

Regardless, finding a higher power never found its way to the top of my priority list. I'd rather focus my energy being the best realized version of myself that I possibly could. So, since losing faith, I've spent a selfish amount of time trying to be the most impressive version of myself possible. I'm not sure that anyone ever gets there, but I honestly feel--for me--that I've made incredible strides since stumbling out of the clouds of heaven years and years ago. I don't rule religion out, per se, I simply acknowledge it's not for me, not for now.

Instead, I believe in the phrase of one of my favorite goddesses: RuPaul.

RuPaul watching from afar. 

If you can't love yourself, how the hell you gonna love anybody else?

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