Wednesday, April 2, 2014

Day LIX: Oh No She Betta Don't!

FYI: Ru is 53. 
Who would have ever thought a 90s rap challenge could be so perfect for Drag Queens?!

Oh, everyone? Yeah. Everyone.

But I am getting ahead of myself. This episode of RuPaul's beautiful production started with the ever-anticipated reading mini challenge. Because reading is what? (everyone say it together now) FUNDAMENTAL! So before hopping into this week's ranking, I want to share the best reads from this weeks mini-challenge.

Bianca Del Rio to Adore: I know what you got on your SATs: Ketchup.

Darienne Lake to Milk: Your fashion and beauty is listed right on the side of your carton: under "missing!"

Adore Delano to Laganja: The next time you death drop, reverse that and drop dead!

Ah, these shady, shady queens. Their cruelty makes my heart smile.

The main challenge this week pitted the remaining nine girls against one another in an epic rap battle. After splitting into teams of two, The Panty Hoes and The Ru-Tang Clan, the girls were charged with delivering 90s b-girl realness in the new rap sensation: Oh No She Betta Don't.  

9. Trinity K. Bonet (bottom two)

What an unfortunate trend this seems to be. Trinity continues to be a stain each and every episode. Her attitude is absolutely debilitating and, sweet jesus, she has to be out of excuses. This "I don't do this, I don't do that" bullshit is so tired. Her performance in the video was rather weak and you couldn't understand a damn thing she was saying. She looks like a million-freaking-bucks--even with that coffee grinder of a mouth--but she is incapable of delivering anything requiring a semblance of personality or charisma. It's upsetting that someone so undeniably beautiful has no other redeeming qualities. Equally annoying: both times she's been in the bottom two (that's one-third of the total episodes at this point) she's been gifted a song that works perfectly for her look and performance style. 

8. Darienne Lake (bottom three)

In the beginning, there was nothing I wanted more than to take a dip into the waters of Darienne Lake. At this point in the season, I think I'd rather drown. Her attitude and insecurities have been a heavy portion of her edit thus far, and while I'd like believe that she's more charming and likable than what we've seen, I am mostly convinced that bitter is her default demeanor. In the rap challenge: she was a mess. A big, hot mess. Nothing about what she delivered said rap or 90s or, well, talent. Her lyrics were probably the least interesting and creative, too. Nothing good this week, Miss Darienne Lake.

7. Laganja Estranja (safe)

It's too bad that Miss Entitlement isn't the crown these ladies are competing for because Laganja would have that on lock. For someone who claimed this challenge as one for her talents, she was incredibly underwhelming. She looked awful in the video, but at least her rap was decent. As a performer, Laganja never fails to deliver, but mopey and pouty makes her out to be such a wet blanket. Additionally, she continues to paint in various shades of hideous, envious green. Every time she brings up her friendship with Adore, it's immediately followed with a nervous, toxic mention of how she's used to being better than her clearly more well-equipped friend Miss Delano. I am eager for this queen to take a step back from her ego and deliver something more promising. If she doesn't, I fully anticipate a departure sooner than later.

6. Courtney Act (safe)

This week, Ru accused Miss Act of relying on pretty. Initially, I didn't find this to be an accurate assessment of her performance so far in the competition. I'm still not convinced that this was called for, but if Ru was solely pointing out her runway looks, then yes, it's true, Courtney has been a bit underwhelming. This week, I was sort of living for her Teddy Bear Couture. But it's a little Honey Mahogany in the sense that we've seen this sort of look from Courtney already. I thought she was one of the weakest in the mini challenge, and her performance in the rap battle was underwhelming. I appreciated the numerous references to 90s supermodels in her lyrics, but it was sort of a throwaway verse. I don't anticipate her heading home anytime soon, but I think we are all ready for her to deliver something more substantial.

5. Milk (eliminated)

After last week's misstep on the runway, I felt like Milk really stepped up to the judges' challenge and delivered runway glamour. And she still managed to stay true to herself! I am more than a little peeved that Milk's performance warranted a bottom two appearance in a lipsync against Trinity. Miss K. Bonet certainly belonged there, but I would have put three other queens in Milk's spot before the dairy queen herself. I thought her lipsync was great--though clearly not as realized as Trinity's--and she managed to give us a great rendition of a rap song as her own quirky character. It seemed to me that both Eve and Trina, as well as Michelle Visage, were all pulling for Milk to stay a little longer. Unfortuantely, it's Ru's show, and the goddess's decisions are to be respected. In the world outside of Drag Race, Milk has been delivering ferocious and flawless looks; I don't anticipate her disappearing into the woodwork of other queens any time soon.

4. Ben DeLaCreme (safe)

Last week as Maggie Smith, DeLa was at the tippy top of her game. This week was a slight fall from grace. Let's be honest, rap does not look great on Ben, and that's just fine. She still managed to bring energy and pizzazz and, most importantly, her charisma-uniqueness-nerve-and-talent to the task. I sincerely felt like she was delivering the very best she could. Still, there was a weird moment in the work room where Ben's insecurities got the best of her when she felt the need to ask Darienne why she didn't pick DeLa for her team. (To which Miss Lake very appropriately responded "And I'll be honest, it's none of your fucking business.") It was a strange moment of weakness in an otherwise consistently wonderful character. I hope it isn't a new standard.

3. Joslyn Fox (top three)

What a precious little nugget! Joslyn came into this competition under the guise of winning Miss Congeniality. and I guarantee she will have NO trouble scooping that title up. She's just so calm and friendly and adorable. I've said it before of others, but I would love to just bottle her up and keep her around at all times. I get the feeling that she could put a smile on anyone's face, no matter the situation. In the mini challenge, she continued to surprise with some shady, shady reads. And as one of the Ru-Tang Clan? Girl looked damn good. Regrettably, I get the feeling that this will be Joslyn's shining moment before the rest of the racers blur past her. I hope not! This fresh and fishy contender definitely has a fan in me. 

2. Bianca Del Rio (top three)

Honestly, I don't even know how to separate the top two, so I am just letting Ru make that decision for me. Bianca, Bianca, Bianca! It's so funny to me, looking back at my initial impressions of these girls. I think Bianca was 11th on my list at one point? And now, having felt her out for more than two minutes, I can confidently say that I have a new favorite queen on my list. While I am not precisely sure where she lands among the few stars I call my faves, it's a safe bet to say: she's up there. Her rap wasn't my favorite, but it was definitely her. The look though? DEAD. DEAD ON THE FLOOR. She was a b-girl down and she looked, dare I say it, just as good on the runway as mama Ru herself. Her interactions are incredibly honest and insistently funny. I am going to go ahead and say that Bianca is absolutely the one to beat for the title of America's Next Drag Superstar. If anyone is going to take it from her, it's going to be...

1. Adore Delano (winner)

...this queen. Adore is not playing games, you guys! The last time someone embodied the four pillars of Drag Race (Charisma Uniqueness Nerve Talent) as fully as Adore, she won the whole damn thing. In the mini challenge this week, Adore served the best read of the night (see above). And while she managed to be snarky and funny before the week truly began, she annihilated the main challenge. Her look, her rap, her flow, her energy, her...everything was just completely magical. She embodied every part of the task and took it to a level that was just too damn sickening. I think, truly, the one thing that gave her the edge this week was her air of vulnerability. She just seems so much more embraceable than Bianca and that's the one little detail that might just give her the edge as this competition reaches the final sprint toward the crown. It's tight now, folks, and I hope that it just gets tougher to call.

Personal Rankings Week VI
Trinity K. Bonet
Laganja Estranja
Darienne Lake
Courtney Act
Joslyn Fox
Ben DeLaCreme
Bianca Del Rio
Adore Delano

Predicted Order of Elimination
Joslyn Fox
Laganja Estranja
Darienne Lake
Trinity K. Bonet
Ben DeLaCreme

Bianca, Adore, and Courtney left as top three.

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