Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Day C: Centi

Centi- is a prefix we use the represent one-hundredth. I believe it comes from the Latin centum which actually means "hundred." If not, whatever, it's my birthday and you should just take me at my word.

So how fitting, on today, the one hundredth day of blogging, that "centi" be the title of this post.

Well, hold your horses. This centi is a little different. It's not about money, it's not about length, it's not about time. 

No, no, no.

This centi is about legs.

For anyone who knows me, this will not be a surprise: I am resolutely terrified of centipedes. In the video game "Dark Souls," there was a boss called "Centipede Demon" and I almost couldn't face it. Not because it was overly difficult or frustrating. No, it was solely horror that kept me at bay. 

So, of course, this morning, on today OF ALL DAYS, I was greeted by this sick fuck the minute I stepped into the bathroom:

You know those televangelists that say things like "the devil walks among us."

They're right.

That photo is proof. 

And I was very suddenly brought back to a moment my senior year of college:

I was rinsing a whole mess of soap off my face. I felt water splashing on my feet--as I should have, I was in the shower! But instead of washing quickly away, it was like the little droplets were sticking to my foot. So, naturally, I took a glance down to see what was keeping them on to of my toes.


And I literally pissed myself and fell over. In our tiny, college shower.

And because centipedes use black magic, he managed to stay upright in the water. I kid you not, he reared back on his haunches and spread his fourteen million legs for me to see.

He hissed. He hissed, you guys.

I collected myself and dumped, roughly, a liter of conditioner on to his body which carried him in to the drain. There's no way he died, though. That sick bastard is still in that drain, just waiting to frighten another soul.

So that's where my head was at this morning...deep down in the abyss of hundreds and hundreds of legs.

Hopefully I can climb out.

After all: it's my birthday!

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