Wednesday, February 19, 2014

Day XVII: RuPaul's Drag Race Season 6 Preview

The wait is over, kittens!

It's totally sad that a television show could bring me so much happiness. I feel completely elevated this time of year solely thanks to my leading lady, RuPaul, and her exquisite television show. I am not trying to exaggerate here--so I wont--but RuPaul's Drag Race is the single best television program in the history of the world.


Every Wednesday from here on out, I am dedicating my humble little space to Season 6. That's right, for the remainder of 100 Days of Josh, hump day is officially: Wig Wednesday.

And to kick things off, I'm going to present a breakdown of the cast before the actual premiere date next week! The show starts on Monday, but we'll be watching the episodes every Tuesday night at our humble abode...will you be joining us? We hope so!

Because the show has yet to premiere, I wont be recapping a thing. Instead, I'd like to present this season's 14 queens and my personal ranking of them based off my initial impressions. (Thanks, NewNowNext for these amazing photos of these sickening girls!) Without any further adieu, "Gentlemen, start your engines, and may the best woman win!"

14. Magnolia Crawford

Let me be perfectly clear: I have the utmost respect, love, and adoration for every single person--drag queen or not--that has the courage and nerve to be his/herself regardless of societal pressure to be someone or something different. Each of these men is inspiring, regardless of the shade I am about to throw their way.

Magnolia Crawford bores me to tears. Her "Meet the Queens" video was flat, flat, flat, flat, flat. Is she sad that she got cast? Was it depressing to achieve drag herstory and become one of Ru's elite girls? I don't remember an ounce of humor or levity in her introduction. Not expecting great things from this one. Maybe that's her shtick? If that's the case, then it just doesn't work for me. Next!

13. Kelly Mantle
Kelly Mantle is the nephew of baseball legend Mickey Mantle--whoever the hell that is--and resides in sunny California. And that is literally all I retained from her introduction (which I have watched tens of times). Her drag, to me, is partially firing on some cylinders and fully blasting on none. There's an air of discomfort to her sense of humor that is indicative of overconfidence. She is consistently referenced as a seasoned queen: bitch better find some salt and pepper, though, because she tastes pretty damn bland.

12. Joslyn Fox
Above Kelly and Magnolia, I've placed the fishy and perpetually high Joslyn Fox. Disclaimer: I don't know if she's actually stoned all the time, but she totally has that attitude and laugh. Joslyn is number 12, but she is significantly better than the bottom two on my list. I am not totally sold on her style and charm, yet, but there is potential here. I think she's very pretty and nice--two of my very favorite qualities--but I don't know if she'll have the tricks needed to win the competition. I sort of see her as a complacent queen: she's good, she knows it, and that's good enough for her.

11. Vivacious
Did someone say Paris is Burning? Because this bitch is on fire! Vivacious is an old school club kid queen from NYC. She proclaims to be the last original girl standing from the now defunct NY ball scene, but I am not so sure that the rest of New York would agree with that. I am sure there are plenty more queens that would be right at home with Vivacious' costumey glam. I think she's an appealing queen. I live for her energy and reverence for drag as art. Something tells me that she's not quite cut out for a competition like this, though, and I worry that her lack of modernity will be what kicks her ass to the bottom two.

10. Trinity K. Bonet
B-E-A. T-U-I. F-U-L. When I saw this photo of Trinity, she climbed three spots on my list. I think her introductory video paints her in a very serious light. She strikes me as this season's wounded queen. I hope she'll prove me wrong, but I think this one might bring personal baggage to the main stage that could eventually keep her from snatching the crown. I appreciate her beauty , but that's not ever enough to win this competition. Still, she might have a trick or two and that makes her a queen to watch.

9. April Carrion
This is where things start to get a little muddled. The next three to four queens could probably fall in any order. April is a hot boy and stunning woman. It's just not fair! She is this season's Puerto Rican goddess. She seems incredibly grounded. I love that she references Bjork and Coco Rocha as inspiration for her style: she's a clever queen that, I hope, will deliver on the promise of her initial talent. That face. That body. That look? Yes, April is going to represent for the Island of Enchantment. Werq.

8. Gia Gunn
"My name is Gia Gunn." So starts this queens introduction to Drag Race fans everywhere. Last night, I said that Gia is that girl in high school that everyone adores even though she may not be the brightest bulb on the tree. I think she might be a little overbearing with her ditzy personality and fishy looks, but I think this girl is SO charismatic and talented. She comes from a kabuki background that already has her a few notches higher in my book than the other girls competing with her. Gia is fishy and styled for the gods. I hope she doesn't let me down!

7. Bianca Del Rio
Self professed as the "Queen of Mean," Bianca is an insult comic queen that you cannot help but enjoy. She's spicy, you guys! I can't wait for her feisty attitude and clever jabs to set a room ablaze with laughter. Her style is Joan Crawford meets Bozo the Clown, and she will give you all the white eyeliner the world has to offer. I am in love with her above look. I think this I Dream of Genie chic is something else. My worry with her is that she can come across a little entitled. Pretty please: don't let that be the case.

6. Adore Delano
Anyone a fan of American Idol? You might recognize Adore's boy counterpart, Danny Noriega, from the Top 13 of Season 7! Adore has slowly inched her way further and further up this list. Every time I see a new photo of her, she looks better and better. Seriously: she's sexy as hell in the above. I appreciate her humor and charm and passion. She has whiny tendencies, though, so if she can keep those at bay, I anticipate her doing exceptionally well. 

5. Laganja Estranja
Can I just say: THAT HAIR. Young and fiery, Laganja is a queen that is sure to shake up this season of Drag Race. She's an exceptionally gifted dancer and has nothing but complete and utter admiration for her craft. Unfairly, her drag mother is the one and only Alyssa Edwards--who placed 6th last season--and if family is indicative of success in this competition, she's going to be one fierce competitor. I am skeptical that she will be able turn out beautiful, glamorous fish, but I don't know if that's entirely necessary to take the crown. I get the feeling, for whatever reason, that she will be one of the last three standing this season.

4. Ben Delacreme
Alright. Here's the thing. This photo is abysmal. Like, Ben, c'mon. That pose in that dress? It looks like you're wearing bell bottoms separated by discharge. Ugh.

But! Ben is unbelievably charming. I am so enamored by her. She is quirky and clever and crafty. She describes herself as "terminally delightful" and I can totally see it. She has this happiness and effervescence that is completely contagious: I am so smitten with her personality. She is definitely the queen I want to bottle up and slip into my pocket for a rainy day.

3. Darienne Lake
Oh lord this queen fills me to brim! I am so in love with her sultry and silky voice. Her demeanor is intoxicatingly alluring. And her humor? Top notch. I know this girl can deliver a joke or a read. There are going to be a lot of haters on the plus-sized queen, but I think Miss Darienne Lake is going to let them have it! "Two tons of steel and sex appeal," I am just waiting to watch this queen take these girls for a ride. 

2. Courtney Act
This bombshell from down-under is the single fishiest queen I've ever seen in my life. You cannot look at her and think: there's a boy in there somewhere. She is the real deal, y'all. Her name, in an Australian accent, sounds like 'caught-in-the-act' which is much more draggy than the American spin. Courtney is polished to the bone. I would be shocked--GAGGED--if she was not one of the last girls standing. Mark my words: this fish will be in the finale.

1. Milk
Milk! What G.D. weirdo! I don't think this girl was on anyone's radar heading in to the production of the show. So many different fanatics from across the country made predictions of the cast that were almost all spot-on. But no one saw this one coming. Milk is a member of The Dairy Queens from New York City. Inspired by The Muppets, Milk's style is quirky and character-driven. There's so much to absolutely love about this girl. She's campy, quick, clever, ferocious, and she is one good looking guy. And that certainly doesn't hurt! I love her sens of humor and oddball charm. I am not sure if she'll be the one to beat, but I cannot wait to see what this girl turns out.

So that's that! A little introduction to this season's cast of golden girls. Who's on your radar, kittens? Who am I underrating? As we round the final stretch into the Drag Race season premiere I'll leave it to RuPaul to get us amped:

"Good luck, and don't fuck it up!"

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